#1

As an avid reader of this forum, I am struck by one of the greatest differences between the various streams of Judaism; observing Shabbat. I applaud Rabbi Yoffie’s encouragement to start the conversation. I personally have been drawn to my Saturday morning Torah learning for almost two years. The audience is small but the discussion is priceless. It is intellectually stimulating and invigorating. I am forty-nine, a professional, married with three young girls. Various ages and backgrounds are represented at the separate morning service; however, it is rare to find anyone younger than forty-five. I call it my graduate level class in philosophy. The Oneg afterwards carries the interpersonal, deep and meaningful conversation onward. I struggle at times to leave my family behind on this most precious start of the weekend but I cannot force them. Personally, I would find little interest if I were younger.

I think that if each synagogue age group is somehow drawn to the synagogue in a different venue, perhaps the entire Reform Jewish family would come in larger numbers. I like the idea of a community b’nei mitzvah that the entire temple is invited to celebrate. It would certainly tone down the ridiculously overblown extravaganzas. Babysitting or maybe Sunday School on Saturday could be provided for the early grades. I would imagine there must be several “mingling events” the teen groups could muster for a ritual on Shabbat. I would imagine if the day could start together, what happens afterward would be less critical. Community is Shabbat.

Dear David,

Your morning service sounds like a wonderful experience; it is terrific that you have found an activity that is so meaningful to you. I think you are correct, that different program models would interest different people. I know for me, part of Shabbat is not running out of my house and getting my kids out the door. Maybe we could look at the end of Shabbat, instead of just Shabbat morning, as a time to gather together. I would definitely enjoy joining with my community as the sun sets for Havdalah and a potluck dinner. Perhaps some of the day's activities that we offer can be temple based— such as those you suggested or that Jim experienced at his congregation's Shabbaton. We could also offer "home based" activities, such as chavurot gatherings, "family Torah study" pages to share, or a CD of Shabbat music that can be played while families relax together. At the end of the day, each person having lived out her or his own vision of rest, we can join together, share our stories, and bid Shabbat a sweet good-bye as a full community.

#2

My son converted to Judaism about a year before I did. He is a very good student and so frequently tells me things about Jewish tradition that I hadn’t learned. He also has decided that he is more comfortable in the Conservative denomination, while I remain in Reform. One day he was cataloging the things one could not do on Shabbat, explaining how his Shabbat belt worked so that he had his key but was not technically carrying it.

I was reminded of a camping trip my family took when I was a young teen. My mother was trying to cook breakfast over a two-burner camp stove, my father and brother were off in the woods nearby, and I was trying to help. In exasperation, my mother turned to me and said, “I don’t know why they call this a vacation. I have to do everything I normally do, only I don’t have the modern conveniences to do it with.”

As I have considered the Shabbat restrictions of the mitzvot, I think that in many ways, Shabbat rest for women is like my mother’s camping trip: they still have to do everything they normally do (prepare meals, tend children) but without the normal efficiency.

I am a middle-aged woman, living alone and supporting myself. I work 8-5 Monday through Friday. The Sages and Rabbis could not even conceive of a woman leading the life I live. My body simply cannot handle all the physical work that has to be done on my weekend into one day. So I am working on observing Shabbat so that there is refreshment, if not total rest.

Julie Arnold

Dear Julie,

I was amused by your story about your mother and agree with you, Shabbat rest for women in an Orthodox setting does seem to be far from rest. Your idea of looking for "refreshment" on Shabbat, I believe, is at the core of Reform Shabbat observances. If we can find time to rest, to take time to enjoy our world, and find time to refresh our souls, then we are making Shabbat. Perhaps one step can lead to another, each bringing us closer to the Shabbat we hope for.

Julie,

It sounds like you are taking some steps to make Shabbat important in your busy life. I think it’s important to focus on what YOU want your Shabbat to be, and less on the idea of restrictions. In his The Book of Words, Rabbi Larry Kushner quotes his teacher, Rabbi Arnold Jacob Wolf, on observing mitzvot: “I try to walk the road of Judaism. Embedded in that road are many jewels. One is marked ‘Sabbath’ and one ‘Civil Rights’ and one ‘Kashruth’ and one ‘Honor Your Parents’…There are at least 613 of them and they are of different shapes and sizes and weights. Some are light and easy for me to pick up, and I pick them up. Some are too deeply embedded for me, so far at least, though I get a little stronger trying to extricate the jewels as I walk the street. Some, perhaps, I shall never be able to pick up. I believe that God expects me to keep on walking Judaism Street and to carry away whatever I can of its commandments. I do not believe that God expects me to lift what I cannot….” Amen.

#3

Do you think that Ms. Abraham’s approach to Shabbat (building in the home rather than bringing to the building) is more a reflection of our modern society of isolation, e.g., ipods, home movie theatres, on-line chat? Isn’t Judaism primarily about community—our whole community?

Barbara Andrews
Chicago, IL

Dear Barbara,

Thank you for your question. I found it challenging and thought provoking. Judaism includes both community and home celebration. Many of our holidays, like Shabbat and Passover, have very definite home components. The Friday evening table ritual happens around our own dinner table, we lead seder in our own dining rooms, and we bake hamantaschen in own kitchens. Our home, the Talmud teaches, is a "small sanctuary." With that said, you are obviously correct that community plays a very important role in Judaism. I suppose what I am looking for is a balance. I love joining with the full congregation on Friday night. On Saturday, however, I am looking for something quieter and more intimate. I imagine that my Shabbat is very much a product of where I am in my life. I spend my whole week running— running to work, running to get children to school, running to activities, and running to get dinner on the table. The idea of running to get to services on Shabbat morning at 10 am doesn't feel like rest— it just feels like somewhere else I have to run! For me, is not about being isolated, it is about stopping, breathing, and not running anywhere.

Barbara:

I don’t think Michelle’s idea of a family and friend centered Shabbat is about isolation. Yes, Judaism is about community, but Judaism is also about the family and about our personal relationship to our idea of God. Jews have observed Shabbat with family and close friends for centuries; traditional women didn’t go to services on Friday night. I also don’t think she excludes community worship—her husband, after all, is a rabbi. But her family is striving to make Shabbat an important part of their lives, which I think we would all admit is important in building and maintaining a strong and holy Jewish people.

#4

As a youngster, I participated in Shabbat services at our temple in Chicago. As a member of CFTY I brought many Judaism activities back to the youth group. Then as a teen, I was granted the opportunity to attend Union Institute in Oconomowoc, WI. That experience instilled in me the importance of Shabbat, not just on Friday evening but on Saturday as well. That lasted for a few weeks until the reality of the real world set in.

We live in a secular world and must conform to many of the rules imposed by that society. Most of us work five-day-a-week jobs, leaving Saturday/Sunday to do all of the family chores, children’s activities, etc. We have to live our lives in that society. Temple Sinai of Chicago solved that problem by holding Shabbat services on Sunday. I do not subscribe to that solution. It blurs the distinction between Christian worship and our Shabbat. Frankly, I do not know what the solution is to this dilemma. We were taught early in religious school that you don’t need to go to synagogue to pray . . . to speak to God. If each of us could devote a few moments every Saturday morning to contemplate our Judaism, could we not “honor the Sabbath Day” as prescribed in Exodus 20?

Harmon Motch

Dear Harmon,

I think your idea of spending a few minutes on Shabbat morning to contemplate Judaism is a wonderful idea. I find that simply the awareness of Shabbat, even if we are not resting as I would like, changes the way I view my entire day. We often buy in to the idea of "all or nothing." As Jim pointed out in his response last week, we often spend time feeling guilty over what we should be doing versus what we actually do. Do what you can, find joy in the choices you make, and honor the Sabbath Day in a way that works for your life. We do live in a secular society and conform to many of the rules of that society. However, I think we can make some of our own rules and feel comfortable saying "no" to our secular world when necessary.